March 2011

To Get a Roommate or Not?

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I’m forced to look for another place to live. I will not be living with Norm and his friendly, but elderly friend Jim, nor will I be living in the “Americorps House” with seven total strangers living under one roof while it is being remodeled. I might have considered either if I were going to be on a reality TV show and paid enormous sums of money for the privilege of living with strangers and making a fool of myself, but since no one is offering me any positions on reality TV, I’ll have to decline.


I probably won’t live with Bernie either, and it’s not because he’s a serious UW Husky fan who watches the games in a Husky snuggie, but because I felt like the Floridian who saw the house with me at the same time was perhaps a little too anal for my liking.

Can We Focus On Jobs Rather Than Dildos and Porn?

Recently I read an article in our local paper—you know, those charming little special-interest driven periodicals that aggravate you with their bumpkin letters to the editor, ridiculous “church notes,” and anti-abortion ads?—that, as was to be expected, pissed me off. A local politician is campaigning hard against new adult toy stores (or pleasure stores or whatever you want to call them) coming to town, trying to reduce the amount of time they can be open for business and whatnot, blah-blahing about the moral high grounds of her crusade and yadda yadda. Of course, her crusade is costing us tax dollars, and it’s mightily annoying, since we have so many more pressing matters in the county.

Open Letter to the Facebook Bikini Girl


Thank you for posting daily updates on the status of your tummy and thighs before your trip to Mexico on your Facebook page. I know I didn’t comment too much on the status of your diet and fitness levels, but it wasn’t because I didn’t care: I cared too much. It was lovely that you could take the time and share with the world how lovely your body was going to look before the trip and your modesty about your thighs was touching--even when your thighs weren't touching each other.

My Kid is a Human Being, Too

Recently I attended a family even that was supposed to simply include several female family members but ended up consisting of nearly two dozen people. Nearly every single one of them asked where my daughter was at, and though I know it would have made my mother’s day to have had her attend, I simply smiled and said she was out with her dad.

Note to Hackers, Spammers, Spoofers, Unemployed Computer Geeks, and Lazy Technical Wizards

Stop Hacking, Spamming, and Spoofing Me!



I don’t know any of you personally, but I have made your acquaintance through the cyber-world; I’ve had my e-mail accounts hacked and spoofed and have received a plethora of messages from you from my friend’s accounts. And while I appreciate your concern, I’m not a guy, so I don’t need Viagra or my penis enlarged, thank you very much and I’m truthfully not in the market for a Russian bride.


The Curious Incident of the Lynched Teddy Bear

I was walking along when I saw the above-pictured teddy bears posed in a resting position; they looked happier than the last teddy bear that I found posed. When I was in college, my roommate and her friends took it upon themselves to hang my teddy bear—lavender and pretty cute—with a nice hand-written note telling me that I was “too stuck up” for the school.


I didn’t let their fear tactics get to me and stuck out school all four years, but couldn’t figure out why exactly they would take it upon themselves to hang my teddy bear. (A quick read in my journal shows that I may have accidentally called one of them a bitch, but she would have only known that if she read my journal.)

Can too much “Gossip” get you into trouble?

I honestly believe that too much “gossip” can actually get you into deep trouble. It really all depends on the situation, outcome, and circumstances. Every “gossip” is entirely different from others. But I am sure almost every each and one of us must admit…we must have a bit of “gossip” avenue within ourselves. Don’t lie now…I think we all do. Don’t you think so?