September 2009

You are Not On a Reality TV Show

Just in case you have forgotten this very simple fact, life is not a reality tv show. You are not in a contest. Here are some words of "wisdom" (and I use the term lightly) to get you through your long and arduous day doing it is whatever it is you do:

To all of the fricking macho-studs driving around aimlessly in your 80's muscle cars, I would like to remind that you are not only not on Survivor, if you were on Survivor, you would be voted off the island for your personality disorders caused by steroids and your inability to deal with your now smaller than life testicles. You are also no longer Captain of the football team, so get over it.

Expensive Weddings

One thing I do not understand is why people spend so much money on one day of bliss.  I have several friends getting married and each of their weddings is a minimum of twenty grand.  Each one of their dresses, and one friend has bought four dresses now, is running them around two thousand dollars each.  That one friend of mine has now spent eight thousand dollars on four dresses and she still has not found the dress that she wants. 

I understand the whole thought process for a woman, “I’m only getting married once.” “I want it to be a day to remember.” “I want it to be better than my other friend’s wedding.” I just cannot personally see spending that much money on a wedding that lasts one day.  I would rather spend my money on a nice two week honeymoon versus a one day wedding. 

Taken for a Ride by my Auto Insurance Company

Hello, Insurance Company X, you can kiss my a**! And for that matter, Auto Glass Company Z, you might as well join your little Insurance Company friend.

Last week while driving in a location to be undisclosed, I drove a little too closely behind a truck. Some gravelly shrapnel flew my way, and bing bang boom, I had three small dings on the windshield.

A week later I called my insurance company to make my claim. The sweet-sounding woman on the other end of the phone told me it would be no problem. I could have the dings replaced on the dime of my insurance company at the auto glass place of my choosing. She then transferred me to the glass department so I could get a claim number and a referral to a glass company. I took a couple of numbers down and made an appointment for an on-site visit from the auto-glass company.