June 2009

Idiot! Stop Texting and Drive!

Since there have been so many stories in the news recently about people getting into accidents while texting and driving (or operating heavy machinery), I thought it needed some attention.  Currently there are 14 states (and the District of Columbia) where it is illegal to text and drive including: Alaska, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Louisiana, Maryland, Minnesota, New Jersey, North Carolina, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia and Washington.  Other states including New Hampshire and Texas are trying to pass the same law to ban texting while driving.

The Plight of the Underemployed

We're all going to hell in a hand basket. Unemployment rates are skyrocketing, foreclosures are still on the rise, inflation may be coming, and we could be in a depression, not a recession. One number that seems to be missing from the numbers of our times are the numbers that reflect the "under-employed". I'm not even necessarily talking about part-time employees, but instead employees that have lost or had their benefits reduced to almost nothing. 


Take the case of my friend "Kara" who has a "good", full-time job. The pay has yet to be reduced, but that is the probably the last thing to go.

Meaningless Sex

I wonder why people have meaningless sex… is it to make you feel better about yourself, is it because that is what you think you should do after you get drunk, is it because you are lonely, is it to prove that you can get some whenever you want it, is it because you NEED some, is it because you never got enough love from your parents so you feel like this empty sex will satisfy that, or is it because you cannot commit or just got out of a relationship?  I obviously am not a one-night stand type of girl, and I never really understood it.  I personally can only be with someone with whom I care about.

20 Ways to Annoy Someone

While at home:

1 Accuse your roommates of their “sniffing glue addictions” while friends are around. 

-          I had a roommate who used to randomly accuse people of stealing his food (not true), but it was hilarious; I can only imagine the hilarity of “confronting” a roommate with a “sniffing glue addiction”.

2 Ask 1-800 operators out on dates.

-          Back when I was 12 (before cell phones were around), my friends and I would prank call 1-800 operators… although we never thought to ask them out.

3 Light a road flare on a roommate’s birthday cake

-          And I thought trick candles were bad… try blowing out a road flare.

4 Stand over someone’s shoulder and mumble as they read

-          My brother used to do this to me all the time, just to piss me off… not funny, but annoying.

5 Lick the filling out of all the Oreos and stick the cookie pieces back in the tray.

-          I did this to a kid back in the fifth grade, except instead of licking all the filling out, I would lick the center of the filling out, fill the rest with Elmer’s glue and offer him the “rest of my cookies”.  Worked every time!  …I do feel guilty now.

Letter from the Superficial

Dear Neighbor,

Shut that obese fat biatch up – I can hear her from 3 miles away!  I do not care if you throw your crazy parties, but seriously, who are these people you are inviting? I am so lucky that you do not live in my apartment complex so I do not have to see you every day, Mr. Wanna-Be Brad Pitt (only much heavier and unattractive).   Sadly, my apartment faces your backyard, yuk.  You have this dumpy house, with your ghetto white trash decorations and you somehow manage to find the ugliest people in Los Angeles to party with…  You look like you fit more in Iowa than Los Angeles.

True Story: Prison Rapes Cause States to Lose Money

In an article from the Associated Press released yesterday (June 23, 2009), it points out that prison rapes are far more common and out of control than the average (non-jail visited) person would think.  It is always mocked at in movies and joked about amongst friends, but prison raping is so bad that the government is going to cut back on funding for prisons if they do not find a way to stop or at least curve prison molestation and rapes.

Nixon was not the Last Racist

Just in case you were wondering how exactly Nixon felt about abortions, the wait is over. According to some recently released tapes (why they are coming out now almost 40 years after his presidency I do not know). Nixon felt abortions were ok in some cases. Like for interracial pregnancies or rape. "When you have a black and a white." So, basically, like in the case of Obama. I'm sorry. Make that President Obama.

Mental Time Travel

Usually when I am at my dentist, the esteemed Dr. Anita Fok (and no the name is not a joke), I don her Risky Business sunglasses with pleasure, try to be friendly to the hygienists which is somewhat difficult when speaking through gauze, plastic, and drool, and more importantly, try to make my mind transport itself to a happier place and time. So far, this is as close to Time Travel as I have ever gotten and it is usually back to the past.

I try to zap myself to lands far, far away....perhaps a beach in Thailand or nothing more exotic than a friend's party. Since I don't know where any wormholes are located, this is more difficult than it may seen. I was happy to discover, however, that others are taking the same route as I am, and doing it better, by delving not only into the past, but into the future as well.

WTF? A Texas Strip-Club is Suing a 14-Year-Old Girl

The Lone Star State: home of Crawford, TX, the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, illegal border crossings, and also to the Cheetah  strip-club that is now suing a 14-year-old girl. for "swindling them into breaking state law".  My only hope is that this is some kind of alternate universe and not a true news story from an actual state in the US because it is really horrifying.

The girl, who because of her age, is unidentified, apparently showed her breasts in the club while claiming to be 22 and (according to the club owner) she, "looked just like a model from a Miss America’s contest".

Teen Ordered to Continue Chemo Against His Wishes – FREE DANIEL HAUSER

A Minnesota teenager, Daniel Hauser (13 years old) was ordered by a Minnesota judge that he must continue chemotherapy against his wishes.  Hauser who has Hodgkin’s Lymphoma fled the state to California with his mother trying to avoid taking chemotherapy, and wanting to look into alternative treatment.  The poor teenager has lost over ten pounds and most of the time does not feel like eating while taking chemotherapy.  The judge ruled that Hauser is still in need of child protection services and is to not leave the state.

Italian PM Sex Scandal

Why is it that powerful men always seem to screw the wrong woman at the wrong time? (and by this, I do not mean to imply that there is a right woman at a right time.) The latest sex scandal to hit Europe is centered in Italy, and has embroiled Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi.

Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi looks much younger than his 72 years. This is probably a good thing if the rumors are true that he has not only been cavorting with beautiful young women, but paying them to attend "private parties" as well. Unfortunately for Mr. Berlusconi, he may be in jeopardy of losing his job.

KFC or KFB?!

KFC has been called out on their “secret ingredients” and it is now known that the secret to making their chicken taste so good is the beef, yes, BEEF.  Beef powder and rendered beef fat are used in their top secret ingredients to make their chicken taste oh so yummy, who would have thought?!  Do all of you non-red meat eaters feel a little cheated now after thinking you were eating white meat chicken?  I do.

Elizabeth Wurtzel Whines about Regret and Getting Older

I've never had much sympathy for Elizabeth Wurtzel of Prozac Nation fame (She wrote the book that later became the movie starring Christina Ricci) and after reading her latest article in Elle magazine, I have even less. She writes about being the beautiful child, who turned into the beautiful teenager, and then the beautiful young adult. Now, at the tender age of 41, she is regretting her choices as a capricious 20-something-year-old and worrying that she is old.