“Things I Want to Punch in the Face” by fellow Seattleite Jennifer Worwick is an inspiration to all people wanting to express their negativity in a truly creative way, but who just can’t find the words to express their vomitous emotions. Jennifer truly understands that sometimes you just want to punch something in the face. I don’t know whether or not it is my Taebo at-home DVD training by Billy Banks himself that makes me want to punch or if it’s a result of one too many cups in of coffee in the morning, but on occasion, I have the urge to punch someone. (Before you get too concerned about any anger management issues I may have, my fists are always metaphorical and I have never punched another human being in my life.)
Here are some people and things that I would like to punch if ever given the opportunity. I would also settle for throwing a pie at them.
1. Banks, 99.3% of their employees (tellers and customer service representatives included) and ATM fees.
2. Canned Beer because it usually tastes like somebody pissed on top of it.
3. Tightwads. I like Larry David and George Castanza on TV, but hate to see actual people try to get out of paying their bills.
4. Sarah Palin and her idiotic Doppelganger Michele Bachmann for their part in destroying intelligent dialog in this country.
5. Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann supporters, whoever they may be, because I can almost guarantee that they are voting against their interests. Example: the idiots who were against health care reform but didn’t have any health insurance.
6. BP for obvious reasons.
7. Bob Saget and anything associated with Full House with the exception of John Stamos and his mullet.
8. Hip-hoppers who wear their belts at their knees under the mistaken impression that their boxers will turn chicks on.
9. Bigots who seem to forget that everyone in this country who is not a Native American was in fact descended from immigrants, some of them hostile.
10. Public toilets that have not been flushed. Ick. I have zero interest in understanding your bowel movements in that much detail, especially before eating.
11. Patchouli. The stench of patchouli extends far past the Patchouli-wearer and is never the gentle waft the wearer intended.
12. People who say, “Don’t be a hater” when you have just made a little joke (not even at their expense) that they don’t understand because they fail to appreciate sarcasm as an art-form.
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