Backpacking means struggling to find rooms in interesting places, lugging an ever-growing backpack around, and meeting weirdos where ever you go. The other day, I met a middle-aged German tourist who bears a striking resemblance to the current pope, but without the hat. He sat at our table and lectured us for a while with  a story of aliens and a myopic viewpoint that probably had more to do with his alcohol consumption than any particular religious bent.

"I met an interesting alien once."  OK, although I myself have never met an alien, I'm at least open enough to listen. Others at our table were not.

"Where?"

"The Sahara." He didn't even pause. Whether this was a true hallucination, a real story, or he was making it up on the fly, he knew his facts.

"Where you alone?"

"There was one other person, but she died."

Hmmmm, I was getting increasingly dubious about the situation, but still wanted to hear the story for myself. This turned out to be a mistake.

"He asked me if I wanted to live forever and I said no."

Someone, quite possibly me, looked at him strangely enough that he continued on, "What, you don't believe me?"

I looked at his eyes, which were suddenly cross-eyed. I did not take this as a necessarily positive sign. Everyone remained silent and he turned his eyes on me. Somehow, he didn't quite look so pope-like any more.

"I mean, in the end, you are a  virus that kills everything."

While this was later construed by our table to be more of a universal "you" than a "you" which referred specifically to me, it did not make me feel very good. In fact, I took this statement as a definitive sign that the conversation had definitely taken a turn for the worse.

I tried to argue that the planet would survive long after all of the people were gone. I mentioned a book that I had read half of, but couldn't think of the title. Apparently, this was not a compelling enough argument.

"No. You are nothing, you understand that. Nothing?"

Then he laughed kind of sinisterly, in the way of Mini Me.

"You are American. Your president owns you."

OK, as this was now the Obama era, it didn't sting so much. At least, until he clarified his statements.

"I mean, how you are thinking under Bush for 8 years?"
WTF?

This is where I got extremely profound. *Please note the sarcasm.

"I'm one of 300 million Americans I have to be responsible for Bush?"

The irony of making me personally responsible for a virus killing the entire planet, then telling me that I was nothing, and then holding me responsible for everything that happened under the Bush era was enough.

For some reason that I still cannot fathom, this actually shut him up.