I got stalked yesterday at a Body Shop-esuqe type of store.

As I sniffed my way around the natural soaps, body massagers and hennas, I was hounded mercilessly and stalked by 2 over-eager salespeople who were basically emulating the sales style of SNL's Gap Girls.

During the 4 minutes I was in the store, I was asked no less than 16 questions, and offered more than 7 things to smell.

If I am shopping alone, it is probably for a reason, which should be crystal clear- I do not want company, I do not want any  advice on how  I should put henna in my hair, which bath salt I should use, or how my skin really needs to be exfoliated. 

Do you know why? It is none of your f-ing business.

If you are working in a store and you see me, go ahead and ask me if I want help; usually, I will tell you that, no, I do not want your help, which means in no uncertain terms: please, go away. It does not mean that I am secretly too shy to ask you for something. It does not mean that I am so impressed with the henna in your hair or your own personal scent that I want to copy you and look and/or smell the same way. Again, it means: leave me alone.

This is not the first time that this has happened to me and I sure that it won’t be the last. I not only had scents, hennas, and god knows what else suggested to me: I had different bath salts literally shoved up my nose. I don’t know what kind of person they thought I was, but I’ll give you a clue, nothing goes up my nose, especially not some fricking ball of bath salts which you literally shoved into my face.

It is also none of your business who I am shopping for, if I am buying Valentine’s Day gifts or something for myself, and you while you have the right to ask me, I will pretty much tell you to back the F. off if you are a stranger asking one too many personal questions while I am minding my own business shopping.

And to the managers encouraging this idiocy, I liked your store, but I will never enter it again and you have either your own policies to thank for this and your swarmy employees.