All That's Wrong with Canada on Display Last Night
Vancouver OlympicsWhen I backpacked through Europe I noticed, one day, in a train station a Canadian flag painstakingly sewn onto the backpack of the man in front of me. This caught my attention as the ratio of Canadian flags seemed higher than any other outward showing of national pride from any other travelers. As I thought about this the ticket vendor asked if the man was American, with a hint of disgust he spit out, "Uh, no. I'm Canadian." ... "eh." Your nation is so unimportant and culturally indistinguishable that you have to publicly identify yourself as Canadian. And you get grumpy about it?
This pissed me off. Sure, your accent is a sad knock off of the American accent, your nation is known as the Fifty-first state, you share your nation with a bunch of grumpy French speaking Quebeccers... AND the Canada-centric closing ceremonies SUCKED.
Nickelback? Really? I watch one of the most massive hockey games in history where national pride was on the line and then to wrap it up you damn Candians stick Nickelback in my face? I would rather watch Crosby score the winning goal again than hear a single note out of Nickelback. And as if the national embarrassement that is Nickelback wasn't bad enough, they drag out emotionless bitch bag Avril Lavigne, the Ice Princess for another un-inspired performance of her pop drivel. The comedy fell FLAT too. A nation with a proud line of comedians (John Candy, Rick Moranis) and Katherine O'Hara (who I was sad to find out was Canadian) gave a comedic appearance worthy of a funeral. Even Michael J. Fox's appeal to humor and Candian warmth missed the mark terribly. Let me explain his punchline: Canadians are friendly and welcoming, according to Fox, so they counted all the other nation's medals for Canada, totalling 999... Fox pulled the big prop lever and the number 999 appeared on the monitor as some kind of punchline. Thank goodness NBC cut out to see an actually funny show, The Marriage Ref.
Buble. Michael Buble huh? Glad Dean Martin's torch has been passed. Couldn't we just have played an old Rat Pack album? What happened to Harry Connick Jr.? That's all I got on Buble.
This post is dedicated to the Canadian hockey team. Hockey sucks anyway. Most Americans don't even know what it is, so it's like Americans winning the gold for Gun-Violence, of course we get that one. I'm not bitter.
(In all it was a great Olympiad, I'm just being outwardly aggressive, like my nation demands)
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Comments
We have some canadian friends
We have some canadian friends that we were texting with during the hockey game- i really wanted to send them a text later to say that basically the closing ceremonies made up for the loss in hockey.
i don't know if my personal favorite part was the giant beavers or the giant mountee statue things with their midget mountie companions.....
Go frack your self and stick
Go frack your self and stick too watching basketbore with its thugs and rapper wanna bees. . I will never understand how the same people that say hockey sucks enjoy basketbore a game in which I can read "WAR and Peace" in the final 2 minutes it takes to end the game.
I am proud that city of Pittsburgh for choosing Hockey over 2 sucky sports Basebore and Basketbore.
hockey
no one said hockey sucked; I believe the article was about the closing ceremony of the Olympics.....
As the writer: it was a humor
As the writer: it was a humor piece that was supposed to capture both the immature feelings of bitterness for losing the gold by calling out some errors at the closing ceremonies. Maybe I failed, but I thought it was a great winter Olympics, honestly. I guess I do resent the flag on the backpack thing though. It's only there because Candaians have no identity besides Moose and mounties, which are tough to sew on a backpack. And it was Nickleback who actually inspired the whole thing.